How Can He Be….
SIXTY, SEXY AND SENSATIONAL!!

>>Robert Schwalbe,PhD, is living proof of his theory that older men can be "Sixty, Sexy and Successful."

By Chris Oliver

Robert Schawlbe, Ph.D., a New York City psychoanalyst specializing in therapy for men and aging, noticed that most books on health and relationships for seniors focused on both men and women. Because of the limited information available specifically for men as they age, he wrote the new book, Sixty, Sexy, and Successful: A Guide for Aging Male Baby Boomers (Praeger Publishers). “This book is for and about the older middle aged man. It is also for those who love him. It is for those who want to understand him,” he says. To that end, Thrive NYC put these questions to Dr. Schawlbe:

What is the biggest myth about turning 60?
The biggest myth about turning 60 is that “it’s down hill from here on in” and guys simply get old. Not true. We know that with good nutrition, exercise, medication and most importantly attitude men feel good, live longer and do not have to feel old.

 
Why is turning 60 such a milestone for most men?
Sixty is a milestone age historically because we relate it to as we see our grandfathers from previous generations who slowly faced death at this time in their lives. We don’t want to see ourselves the way we see them. And that’s right. America is very much a youth-oriented society and we can live longer, more vigorous lives.

What major issues (health, social, etc.) do men face that women don’t at 60?
Statistically, some diseases might hit men at sixty and older unless they prepare and protect themselves from them. Certainly the two big factors that I hear about are the change in sexual behavior with a change in libido and the issues around ageism. 

Libidinal changes are part of aging for most men and it’s important to accept that and to talk about it with a partner if in a long term relationship or marriage. Ageism is a bias based on age. It is often found in the workplace. It is out and out discrimination and is illegal. It is often very subtle and sometimes unconsciously motivated.

Talk about how men face aging differently than women do - in terms of depression, anxiety and life satisfaction?
Men face aging differently than women do basically because women are better prepared for it for two very distinct reasons.  Women talk about their feelings. Men don’t. Women go through hormonal changes in their fifties that are a benchmark to aging. They are prepared for that because they hear about it from their mother, sisters and friends. Their bodies prepare them. Their bodies tell them when they are going through the changes. It affects them physically, emotionally and mentally and they talk about it. With men the changes are subtle, internal and they don’t talk about it. A man may have best buddies in the office, the golf course, the bar, the boardroom or the factory and he’ll never talk about his concerns about aging. Some might quietly struggle. Some get depressed and act out in any number of self destructive ways such as drinking too much, gambling, drug use, or physical abuse or partner abuse. Most men make the transition into aging quite smoothly. It is the ones whose attitude about themselves and their lives are in question that often react negatively.

What goals should men have at 60 and beyond?
The sixties are the time when men can stop asking how they are seen by others and start by how they see others. Start doing things for yourself. Now is the time to go creative in life and follow a dream or an interest. Challenge yourself. But always stay involved. Always.

How can a man stay sexy at 60? And is it as important for men as it is for women? How can a man stay sexy at sixty?
Look good for your age but don’t deny it by aiming to not look your age. 

Talk about some of the myths about sex after 60 for men - and is Viagra the answer?
The myth is that men have sex on their brain always. Some men whose libido is disappearing are very happy to find more mature forms of sexual expression such as kissing and cuddling. Sex is an intimate expression and it does not have to result in intercourse. Relatedness takes many postures and affection can be expressed in ways that go way beyond sex. Yes, Viagra is a terrific fix for erectile dysfunction but for some the feelings behind the symptoms can be enormous and worthwhile exploring. This is one of the great benefits of therapy. You know some men are happy to kiss their partners good night and have a good nights sleep!

Should men retire? What about their spot in the workplace after 60?
Retirement! Now that’s an event that can lead to difficulties. We men use our jobs as an identification as to who we are. Loss of a job can be loss of an identity. If you must retire or chose to retire I would urge that a man replaces it with something that is worthwhile. Something that has a sense of purpose. Something that has meaning.

What psychological and physical changes can Boomers expect when they turn 60?
Psychological and physical changes that boomers can anticipate as they move into their sixties have a lot to do with their satisfaction with life. And this is a function of attitude and is a predictor of how a man will adapt to further stages in his life. They may seem to themselves as moving into a place where they are invisible to the younger generation. They may look for the aches and pains associated with older middle aged people. I would urge men who anticipate their sixties to look at their expectations and make sure they are realistic. Sixty is not old, far from it, it can be the most vibrant and exciting time in a man’s life if the adaptation is good and a man has a worthwhile reason for being.

Are there specific questions men should ask themselves as they approach 60?
First of all check in with yourself as to the state of your health. Make sure you are having a thorough medical check-up. What is your state of mind? You are embarking on many years to fulfill your realistic dreams. Make a place for yourself in your community. Perhaps bring spirituality in your life. Bring about changes if you’re looking for them. NOW is the time to change the course of your life. If you don’t have a meaningful relationship with adult children and grandchildren start building upon that. Maybe you need some guidance or counseling for a while to sort out the emotional baggage you’ve been carrying for too long. Seek out a good therapist. Don’t be complacent. Do something!

Why do you consider 60 entering the third segment of a man’s life?
The sixties can be the most rewarding or the most miserable period in a man’s life. It is a function of adaptation expectation wisdom and grace. We’re living longer and longer. Make it more and more meaningful. Make yourself more of a meaningful man.

Starting with the October issue, Robert Schwalbe, Ph.D., will write a monthly column in Thrive NYC. We welcome him on board and invite you to submit questions and ideas. E-mail us: editor@thrivenyc.com.