Loving a Dog's Life: 17 signs that qualify you as a dog person

By BETH LEVINE

“Who’s a gorgeous boy, then? Who does Mommy love?” I coo.

“Ma, cut it out, you’re embarrassing me,” my son complains. I don’t have the heart to point out to him that, actually, I was talking to the dog. Okay, so I’m a dog person. I just can’t imagine life without a canine trotting after me, a house full of stray hair and that contented snuffling sound sleeping dogs make. What about you? Here are a few signs that might mean that you also have the good sense to spend way too much time with the four-legged crowd:

1. When you walk your dog, you have some of your most sensible conversations of the day.

2. You buy a black cloth coat. Within a week’s worth of wear, it has miraculously turned into a fur coat.

3. Your car’s glove compartment and all of your jacket pockets are filled with emergency poop disposal bags. (Unused! Unused!)

4. When your husband demands that you choose between having him or the dog in bed, you tell him you’ll have to get back to him.

5. If you’ve been out a lot during the day, you hate going out at night because you don’t want to have to leave your dog alone again.

6. You wear socks with pictures of your favorite breed.

7. When your dog nips a visitor, you apologize profusely but secretly think, “Oh, stop being such a weenie about it.”

8. You know exactly where your dog’s mouth has been and you still let him lick you on the lips.

9. If you hear a news report of a dog being hurt in anyway, you give your own dog an extra treat.

10. You deal with sleepless nights by thinking up cute dog names. (My next girl dog is going to be Xena.)

11. You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet or use them as computer wallpaper.

12. You think other people who talk about their dogs are boring and limited; you know, however, that your dog stories are hilarious, heartwarming and charming.

13. The trainers tell you that it’s a bad idea to let dogs on furniture. You don’t see the point of having a dog if he can’t meld himself to you on the couch.

14. Your dog's first chewed up Frisbee has a place of honor mounted on the bookcase.

15. Your vet warns, “No people food,” but your dog practically gets his own place setting at the table. (And why not? He has better table manners than most of your family members.)

16. Just the mention of the movie “Old Yeller” makes your chest hurt and your throat start to tighten.

17. When you get home at the end of a long day, nothing feels right until you get down on the floor, stick your face into the scruff of your dog’s neck and sigh, “Did you miss me, fella? Did you?” Because you long ago realized that you don’t own your dog; the little furball owns you.

Beth Levine is a freelance writer in Stamford, Conn. who spends her nights with an overweight beagle wedged in between her and her husband.